Now that you’ve learned to avoid losers and negative people (I talked about that here), I share another important tip about a special type of people that you have to avoid like the plague (you have to avoid them at all cost).
This is very important if you have a business and you want to hire employees or find business partners. It is also important in establishing different kinds of relationships, be it a simple friendship or a deep and long-term romantic relationship.
There are some people who have Personality Disorders, but they look normal. You can’t diagnose this in anybody unless you are a psychologist, or you have lots of experience and knowledge about psychology and people’s behavior.
Among all the personality disorders, there is one which is more dangerous than the others: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
I am not trying to offend those who have this disorder. I am just trying to help people not to get trapped in a situation which is sometimes too hard to get out of.
What Is a Person with Borderline Personality Disorder?
In simple words, it is someone who knows no boundaries and borders. It means they can do anything against anybody. There is no limit for them in anything.
Now the worse news is that most of these people behave normally most of the time. They also look normal. They can even be well-dressed, good looking, caring, kind, helpful, etc. BUT they suddenly change and do something that nobody expects:
1. Getting furious and using the worst words and actions;
2. Attacking and hurting people, physically and verbally;
3. Vandalizing and destroying things;
4. Destroying your credit and revealing your secrets to others;
5. Complaining and taking you to the court for nothing important or reasonable;
6. Threatening to commit suicide to force others to follow their desires.
Several years ago, I got to know a lady who looked so prestigious, kind, caring and polite. She was divorced, and everybody knew it. But what almost nobody knew was that she had been in a relationship with a married old man for several years.
However, she SUDDENLY came to the conclusion that she was a loser in that relationship because the married boyfriend still had his wife and family and spent most of his time with them, while she couldn’t receive more than some secret dates and visits, just because she was in a relationship with a married man. She thought that she was abused by the man all those years. Therefore, she threatened the man that she would let everybody including the man’s wife and family know about the relationship. And she did it
Remember that I told you that these people know no boundaries. Nobody had forced her to establish such a relationship and then stay in it for several years. It was her own choice. But she suddenly thought that she had been abused by the man all those years while she also admitted that the man had never promised her to divorce his wife and marry her. She knew what relationship she was in, but she suddenly decided to destroy the man’s life.
Later, I heard from her ex-husband of this woman that she was used to show these kinds of sudden actions sometimes. For example, they had a fight one day, and the woman had gone to her husband’s office and had broken all the computers and equipment while he wasn’t there.
Now the point is if the married man knew about woman’s past and her lunatic actions, would he still want to establish a relationship with her?
Definitely not. The problem was that everybody who saw the woman, would say she was such a nice, kind and calm lady who was also so caring and helpful. I used to think like that as well, until I heard about her relationship with the married man and what she had done to him.
Later, she established another relationship with another married man, and started harassing and extorting him for over 2 years
I told you that these people know no limits and borders.
What Does This Mean to You, Your Life and Business?
What if you establish a friendship, relationship or partnership with such a person, or hire them to work in your company?
No doubt that you will be in trouble sooner or later. It can cost you your life, credit and whatever you have. They can easily ruin your business, life and family for no reason, just because they have borderline personality disorder.
What Is the Solution?
There is not much you can do when you are in trouble with such a person. You can just ask the police to interfere if they are threatening your life and business. But this situation can cost you a lot to finish.
You have to be careful not to let such a person enter your life and business. But how can you do this if these people look normal most of the time and to most people?
1- Personality Test:
If you want to hire or establish a relationship with someone, you should ask them to take a personality test.
MMPI is almost the most famous personality test that can reveal if someone suffers any personality disorders or not. There is no way to cheat this test because there are some questions in it that determine whether someone is trying to give wrong answers or not. It is a strong test.
MMPI shows whether someone has borderline personality disorder or not. If you want to hire someone, you should make them take an MMPI test from before hiring. If they are affected by borderline personality disorder, you have to forget about hiring them seriously.
The other personality disorders are less problematic than borderline personality disorder, and some of them make no problems in the work environment. For example, avoidant or dependent personality disorders are problematic in a personal relationship, but usually not in the work and business environment, depending on the type of the job that the employee does.
However, sometimes there is more than one personality disorder in a person. For example, someone who has a borderline personality disorder, usually has a histrionic Personality Disorder as well. This is more frequent in women.
In a Personal Relationship:
If you want to start a personal relationship with someone and it is going to become long-term or end in marriage, you have to make sure they don’t have any personality disorders, especially BPD, because if they do, it will ruin your personal life one day and it can cost you a lot.
Borderline personality disorder is more frequent in women. So, if you start dating a good looking, nice, kind, caring and apparently lovely woman who can attract you and make you fall in love with her, make sure she doesn’t have a personality disorder (specially BPD) before your relationship becomes more serious.
There is nothing wrong with asking her to refer to a psychologist together to take the MMPI test. Both of you can take the test at the same time, so that it makes her feel more comfortable with it. If they tell you that she has a personality disorder (especially BPD 😬), then there is nothing you can do but end the relationship immediately, before it goes to more serious steps and you both feel more attracted to each other.
2. Find out on Your Own
What If You Can’t Take the MMPI Test?
Chances are you can’t take the MMPI test from a job applicant or someone you want to have a personal relationship with. Then you have to be skilled enough to distinguish the symptoms through the interviews and visits or ask someone who is good in these things to do it for you.
You have to be smart and skilled enough to ask questions and make them give some answers or reveal some secrets of his/her life that help you know whether there are any personality disorders in them or not.
Ask short questions and be a good listener and wait for them to talk as much as they want. Be extremely precise, subtle and careful to notice anything they say. Although some people are smart enough to hide their problems, nobody is smart enough to hide a personality disorder forever. They will finally do or say something that tells you they have a personality disorder.
I am more concerned about borderline personality disorder because it is the most dangerous. Some of the other personality disorders are also dangerous, but the problem of borderline personality disorder is that the affected person looks completely normal and good. They can even look like such a nice person. But the problem is there is a personality disorder there that will show up suddenly and ruin everything. This is what you can’t find out from their appearance. You either have to take a personality test, or be smart enough to figure it out on your own.
Some people say that the past is not important because you can’t change it, but you can build a good future if you want.
This is absolutely wrong. The past is very important because it is the foundation of the future. It is childhood problems and events that cause personality disorders. And then someone who has a personality disorder makes huge problems and gets others and themselves in trouble over and over.
Therefore, when someone talks about his/her past, you can find out whether they have personality problems or not, before they show it in the relationship.
Things that You Have to Check and Find Out:
Be extremely curious to find out about the below items, but don’t make them know that you are investigating and analyzing. Let them feel comfortable to talk about anything without any hesitation, as much as they want. Try to look like a good and kind listener that is patient and kind enough to listen to whatever they say. Show no reactions while they are talking, and even try to look stupid sometimes.
(I am sorry, but you need to be smart to find out a personality disorder in someone, otherwise you will be screwed so easily 😃)
As I am a man and borderline personality disorder is more frequent in women, I am going to say “she” in the below explanations. However, what I am going to explain below can be applied to men too:
1. If she has been married in the past, try to find out why they divorced exactly. Yes, they don’t tell you the truth most of the time, but you must be smart enough to find out.
If you want to establish a long-term personal relationship with someone, and they have been married or was in a relationship before, you have to find out why they’ve divorced or broken up, even by talking to her ex(es). If you can’t contact her ex(es) directly, ask someone else to do it or contact the people who know them and can give you some information about the problems they had and the reasons of their divorce or breakup.
(If you want to hire someone, maybe the reason of their divorce is not that important to you. But if you can’t take the personality test from them, then there is no way to find out about the personality problems but investigating about their past. And, the reason(s) for their divorce is an important part of their past.)
2. You need to find out about the nature of her other relationships. For example, you must find out if they have been in a relationship with a married man or not. This is very important. Why?
It is where you can see the BPD behaviors. As I explained at the beginning of this article, a person with BPD is someone who knows no boundaries and borders. A married person has a very strict border around themselves in the society. It is a very insane action to break such a bold border and boundary. Therefore, someone who does this is most probably a person with BPD.
A single woman who establishes a relationship with a married man is most probably a woman with BPD, because she is single and could easily find a single man, but when she doesn’t do it and enters a married man’s life and family, she is not normal and most likely has personality disorders. She can be borderline because she has easily broken an important border.
No doubt that such a person can neither be a good spouse or lover, nor can they be a good and trustworthy employee.
3. It is the same if they have been in some other relationships when they were married or in a serious relationship. Married women who are so lax about being in touch with the opposite sex, and then get closer and even start some relationship(s) are not normal and they show BPD symptoms as well, because they don’t pay any attention to another important boundary which is their family or serious relationship.
I am not saying that all of these people have borderline personality disorder. But they are not respecting important boundaries, and they can do this to you and your business too. They may not do it the first day they start their relationship or work with you, but they will do it sooner or later. It is not under their control after all. They are sick.
You can deal with these people or let them get in your life or business only when you are looking for trouble. There is no point to do this while you can find healthy people.
No person with BPD is worth to let enter your life and take your peace of mind, even if they are the most beautiful person in the world. The damages that they will cause will sometimes be unrecoverable.
4. If she has a strong presence on social media and the Internet, and share photos, videos, jokes and stories that most women are usually hesitant to do, at least she is histrionic, if not borderline.
Histrionic Personality Disorder is not as dangerous as BPD. But it is so close to it and it is possible to have both at the same time.
A histrionic woman also doesn’t respect some boundaries, like what a woman with BPD. However, the difference is that these boundaries are not as strict as those in having a relationship with a married man. However, it is always possible that someone who doesn’t respect the minor borders, may one day also not respect the major ones. That is the time that a histrionic person becomes a person with BPD.
A woman who has such a free and unlimited presence on the Internet and social media, and at the same time has had personal affairs with married men, is most probably a woman with BPD that you must avoid.
5. If she has been or still is in touch with several men and has been dating more than one man at the same time, you have to raise another red flag.
Some women date several men at the same time while none of those men know that she dates or is in touch with other men. Sometimes she is in a relationship with a man but still is in touch with those who have been seeing or dating her before her current relationship. The ex(es) can contact her at any time in different ways like text, phone call, social media, etc. and she doesn’t prevent them from doing this at all.
Although this is not as bad and insane as having a relationship with a married man, it is still going beyond some limits and boundaries. Some people (men and women) are used to such a style, and it has become a pattern and something usual and routine for them. But this is still known as breaking the social boundaries.
There are so many men and women who do this these days. I am not saying that all of them have borderline personality disorder, but they are not normal, and if you can see some of the other symptoms I have described in this article, you should be more cautious.
6. Another important thing that you should consider is the insane actions that the person has done in the past.
I explained about some of the insane actions above. However, now I’d like to talk about another group of insane actions that unfortunately some people consider the characteristics of brave people. In fact they are the characteristics of the sick and stupid people, because they are also breaking beyond boundaries. Someone who does these insane actions can do the same or similar actions against you if you let them get in your life or business.
In general, you must be careful about those who have been/are used to breaking beyond the boundaries. Here are some of the insane actions that you have to consider seriously:
1. Being extremely aggressive (doing severe physical and verbal attacks) in special circumstances like an accident or argument.
2. Having no fear in breaking the rules, fighting the police and doing crimes like human smuggling or drug dealing.
(I heard about a Canadian woman who went to another country and took a man to Canada with her brother’s passport, which is something that 99.99% of people never agree to do even for their loved ones. There is no doubt that one should have borderline personality disorder to dare to do such an insane crime. Even if you can’t call her borderline, you can at least call her a criminal, but many criminals also suffer from the personality disorders like BPD.)
I am going to finish this article here. I wanted to write a short email and give you a small tip, but I also passed some boundaries and wrote a lengthy 3200+ word article 😀
No, I am not borderline. I just talk too much sometimes 😀
1. About 10% of people are affected by personality disorders. So, the chance of being faced with someone who suffers from a personality disorder is not that low. Be careful.
2. Some personality disorders are not that risky in business and work environments. Therefore, if you hire someone who suffers from them, depending on the job they will do, it may not affect your business.
However, almost all personality disorders can be risky and problematic in personal relationship.
3. Some personality disorders are extremely dangerous, both in business and personal relationship. Borderline personality disorder is the most dangerous one.
4. If you want to hire or start a personal relationship with someone, you have to make sure that they don’t suffer from any personality disorders, especially BPD. You can do this by taking personality tests like MMPI. But if it is not possible to take a personality test, you must find out on your own by taking some information about his/her past and the things they have done before.
5. You can never trust a person BPD in your business, nor can you change them in a personal relationship. You are able to help a person with BPD get better. All you can do is avoid them if you are not looking for trouble and disaster.
Good luck 🙂
Please read the below explanations carefully:
A woman has been in a relationship at least with one married man. She has an unusual presence on the social media and Internet and shares photos, videos, stories, jokes, etc, that most women are hesitant to. She has been in touch with several men at the same time, even when she was in a serious relationship unbeknownst to her partner and other men. She has also done some insane actions/crimes at different times in her life.
Now please answer: